Morbid Thoughts

Sometimes when I’m walking morbid
thoughts pollute my mind
and the
more I tell myself to lighten
up, the more I find
those thoughts of darkness and of
death prevail and
then before I know –
I’ve planned the day off work for the
funeral of a
friend or family member who’s
alive and well with nothing to
suggest their day has come and soon I’m
racked with guilt and sadness for this
Wholly. Fantasy. Death.
And so today I scoured my mind for a
reason these thoughts persist and
came to the conclusion that in
order to exist we need to
face our own mortality;
assess the risks of life
and an aspect of this is preparing for
the ones we love to leave and so
my thoughts of death and darkness
are to cushion any blow
because if ever I lose anyone
already I will know just how to
deal with my grief and how to
deal with this trauma;
how to pull myself together;
how to change my frame of mind.
But these preparations are futile
because, really, we all know:
if you lose someone you love, it
breaks your heart, you fall apart.

by Annie Ridout

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