How to get dressed

Take care when choosing your socks, they’re cuddling your feet all day long. And if you feel inclined, do match them with the outfit; it really rounds it off. Wear only one colour on your birthday. Forget belts, they’re far too fussy. And when jeans feel tight around the waist, let them go. An elasticated waist is excellent, as is a dress with no waistline. If you like miniskirts, wear them regularly – no matter the shape of your legs or your age – likewise belly-tops, body-con dresses and low-cut tops. Equally, if you like to cover up with Victorian-style button-up blouses or dresses in the shape of a bin bag, opt for that. And lastly, ignore everything I’ve written as there are no rules for getting dressed, wear whatever the fuck you want.